JOKES


BY EIFFA AKMAL


The Lie Detector


John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.


"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.


"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.


The robot walked around the table and slappedTommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.


"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where youreally were after school."


"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie..." said Tommy.


"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.


"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.


The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down andsaid,


"I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."


"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."


The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,


"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,he is your son!"


The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.


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Never Argue With Kids


My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.


He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.


He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.


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Crazy but not stupid.


One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH. ( Institute of mental health)He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.


As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.


The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." Here’s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"


The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?" Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"


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Onestone..


There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!


'The word got around and nobody called him that any more.Then one day a young woman named Blue Birdforgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.


Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.' Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!


Why ???


OH, come on... take a guess !!!


Think about it !!! You're going to love this !!!


Everyone knows...You can't kill Two Birdswith OneStone !!!